année

for 12 months

i had a goal

to breathe through another day 

firsts

mostly dreaded

some anticipated

passed

whether i cried or laughed

or forgot

or pretended

they rolled by

stopping for nothing

not even a sympathetic nod

tugging at each other

as impatient children yank

on tattered shirts

then-plus-364 pulled up

me in my armor of useless preparation 

ready to acknowledge

no – confront!

grief 

memories

what is left of my heart

clinging to ridiculous hopes

and frayed wishes

the day came and went

came in a blaze

demanding a worship-moment

then went like they all have

sinking into tomorrow

half red and screaming

half helplessly giving up

box checked

demon confronted

nothing changed

maybe at 367

it will come clear

but i already know

it won’t

   

 

lunar

i wish

no, i need

(deep inside)

for date

and day

to align

no longer senselessly rotating

under well-tempered 

(well-intended?)

human jurisdiction 

instead, flowing

in the easy rhythm 

of nature

tracing the path

of her matchless

beautiful

light

  

17

it ends

much as it came in

this day

marking it all

learned

felt

expressed

by heart-hand-word

mixingfading

melting what i once believed

into what i became 

but here i remain

as if never moved

yet utterly

fully

altered

like a garment

cut to perfectly fit

one who will never come

   
   

sinking

turning rock

releases sun 

to warm elsewhere

no others

shining

in her stead

not visibly

not from where i stand

leaning in

against tipping orbit

squinting

hoping to see two

or even three

when eyelashes interlace

like hungry fingers

  

floating

stretched here

ballet-like

wondering

window-cropped

square of nature

making the impossible

obvious

never mind

walls of ridiculous yellow

distant explosions

and this sick

anxious

soundtrack 

even muting

won’t reduce the impact

of watching 

the falling scales

of reality

the peeling away

of life-burned skin

letting what beats within

hear maniacal laugh

feel stone

taste spit

pulse on against

fiendish revolt