année

for 12 months

i had a goal

to breathe through another day 

firsts

mostly dreaded

some anticipated

passed

whether i cried or laughed

or forgot

or pretended

they rolled by

stopping for nothing

not even a sympathetic nod

tugging at each other

as impatient children yank

on tattered shirts

then-plus-364 pulled up

me in my armor of useless preparation 

ready to acknowledge

no – confront!

grief 

memories

what is left of my heart

clinging to ridiculous hopes

and frayed wishes

the day came and went

came in a blaze

demanding a worship-moment

then went like they all have

sinking into tomorrow

half red and screaming

half helplessly giving up

box checked

demon confronted

nothing changed

maybe at 367

it will come clear

but i already know

it won’t